POLITICS: The money shot
Red hot Strasbourg action
Not an impressive start
I have seen the future and it looks very much like the past. Bournemouth East has become the first safe (OK, a loosely applied word) seat to select its new candidate. David Atkinson, a former used car dealer and MP since 1977, has been replaced by . . . DRUMROLL . . . Tobias [AKA ‘Toby’] Ellwood. The luscious locks of 36-year-old Mr Ellwood, the former candidate for that pocket of ghastliness that is Worsley, no doubt wowed the matrons of the association.
A Loughborough Uni graduate, having been a senior business manager at the Stock Exchange, he is now a business development consultant in the finance sector. The 37 year old is also a former Captain in the Green Jackets. Mr Ellwood, who lost his brother to the murderous activities of Muslim fanatics in Bali, seems to symbolise the certainties of a Tory past when MPs did not buy their furniture. However, this former researcher to Tom King if he has any discernible ideological convictions beyond Bow Group ambition has those of the moderniser. After all, Mr Ellwood was a committee member of Conservative Insight, that body designed to attract young professionals into the party, when Michael Portillo was its chairman. That said, I fear Mr Ellwood is at root none too bothered by opinions, Portilloite or otherwise. And before by modernising friends get too excited regardless, just remember two words: ‘Mark’ and ‘Field’.
Toby Ellwood beat the hon Ed Vaizey (Bristol East, 1997), arch-modernising muppet and ultra-sloane who turned up to the interview with his squeeze, Esther McVey, the TV poppet cum CCO girl-on-call to chat about the list; Mark Page (Wigan, 2001), a CWF member of the Portillo fan club; and (here even my intelligence reports get somewhat hazy) a TV journalist called Adam Holloway, or a name thereabouts. The only chap by that name that The Snake knows of is a former boyfriend of the delightful Sarah Montague of the Today programme, a raffish Cambridge-educated former Grenadier Guards officer who put himself on the televisual map with a documentary in which he lived undercover on the streets to expose the inadequacies of ‘care in the community’. I don't know whether it is libellous to claim someone might be an aspirant Tory politician — so ERO makes it clear that being a Tory MP does not necessarily mean that you are a morally dubious human being. Those who failed at the previous hurdle include the energetic right-winger John Midgley (and first wave IDS enthusiast), Sean Holden, Joanna Richardson (uh?) and Richard Willis. I hereby pronounce that this penultimate list of eight was 75% hopeless, and instruct Surrey SW to do better, or else.
A golden shower frustrated?
My more fervid correspondents assure me that Mr Vaizey, in accordance with the grimly preordained modernising masterplan, would have, had he been selected, immediately stood down in favour of a hand picked CCO lesbian. This strikes me as fanciful tittle tattle, and it must stop. Meanwhile, Labour marginal Kettering decided to reselect Philip Hollobone, albeit after an actual selection process, rather than through the seemingly more sensible medium of fast-tracking. Mr Hollobone, a 38-year-old investment banking analyst, hails from the traditional Right of the party. Indeed, quietly-spoken Mr Hollobone (a product of Dulwich College and Lady Margaret Hall, Oxford), a former TA paratrooper and Bromley councillor, bears a resemblance to Tim Janman, the scarily right-wing former Thurrock member. He also has been something of a hit with the locals, and is esteemed by proven winners such as Mark Francois, MP.
The Snake can also reveal the shortlist for Colne Valley: Mike Flynn, Paul Brierley and John Harthman. My elite panel of aficionados made gargling noises of underwhelment. Just for the record: Mike Flynn, an ex-chairman of Tottenham Conservatives and candidate in Newcastle-under-Lyme(2001) slugs it out with Paul Brierley (Delyn, 2001) and hard-slogging John Harthman (Sheffield, Hallam, 2001), the Chief Flying Instructor of Northern School Of Hang Gliding 1978-83. All hail from the right but the likely winner is Mr Harthman, a Sheffield councillor. For what it’s worth, one of Mr Brierly’s battle honours is that he was a regional organiser for the leader during his election bid. Now there’s a thing to stick on the CV (well, up till about . . . ?)
One other thing: of the 55 candidates selected to date (I’ll tidy up my little list presently) 4 were commissioned officers, one was a squaddie and one a TA officer. One way or another, we’re going to take this country back!
Now for the dirty stuff
All eyes turn as one to that faraway place of which we know nothing, the European Parliament. Yes, London Tories — well some 300-odd, less than half the number at the hustings last time around — have selected their list for the elections of 2004: last time the Tories seized four seats. One of that number, Lord Bethell, the Europhile Old Harrovian MEP from 1979-94 and then retreaded from 1999, is standing down due to chronic ill-health. In first place is Conservative deputy leader and glamourette, the moderate eurosceptic and Portillo supporter Theresa Villers who was first elected in 1999. In second, comes John Bowis, a former Health minister, MP for Battersea 1987-97 and a London MEP since 1999. Cuddly, gay-friendly bloater Mr Bowis is a standing rebuke to the idea that the Conservatives are or ever were the nasty party. In third place is Charles Tannock, another first-termer, a staunch Eurosceptic and critic of Britain's lenient asylum system. Dr Tannock, a consultant psychiatrist has fought a hard battle to overturn Italian law and allow the Duke of Savoy, heir to the Italian throne, to return to his homeland. All those in the first three places support a more permissive line on cannabis. In fourth place comes Syed Kamall, who fought West Ham in 2001. Mr Kamall is a 35-year-old Muslim son of a bus driver and a management consultant, and had been touted as a Deputy Mayor to run along side Steve Norris. He backs plans to build Europe's largest Mosque in Abbey Mills, near Stratford. On Europe he backs the renegotiation of Britain's relationship with Brussels. At the moment we appear to be, ah, concentrating the party’s Asian talent at Strasbourg, with two relevant incumbents being Nirj Deva and Bashir Khanbai.
In an electorally implausible fifth place comes Richard Balfe, the veteran Labour MEP, who defected to the Conservatives last year despite being an enthusiast for the euro. Mr Balfe, however, is a traditionalist on matters relating to personal morality. In sixth place comes the unobtrusive Thatcherite Dr Ian Twinn, the former MP for Edmonton from 1983 to 1997. Roseanne Serelli, a young solicitor and candidate in Holborn & St Pancras, 2001 was appointed (as opposed to being ranked at the hustings like the first six names) by area officers to 7th place. And likewise deployed were Leigh Mendelson, followed by Ashok Kumar and Peter Wilding. Bene't Steinberg, a voluble and clever libertarian right-winger was selected originally in ninth place (his Euro spot last time round too). Citing journalistic disquiet about Mr Balfe he has, however, understandably taken his toys home. For those keeping a tally of such things, in this his hour of need, Mr Steinberg is yet another the leader’s first wave supporters.
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Super sweet of you all to communicate so much stuff with me; as you know, my important work can’t continue without your help. Those of you being allowed extra ‘reward time’ at your secure units (keep taking the pills) to play with the internet, may well want to pay extra attention to the Euro hustings. Keep reading — and who knows what candidates we could so very easily be watching so very soon.
CandidateWatch, November 13, 2002 11:20 PM